check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
