okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
