You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
