so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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