Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
