Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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