i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
