i already hear my dad disowning me
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Randomize
