I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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