What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
