it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
