I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
