I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
