I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
