she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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