Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
