So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
