she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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