how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
