batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
