he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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