their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
