none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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