drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
