So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
