Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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