I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
