While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
