You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
