so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize