i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
