That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You made out with two different species that night
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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