I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
