I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
