the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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