Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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