I cannot find my penis.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
