I think my vagina is haunted
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
