what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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