Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
