When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
