There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
