Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
