did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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