Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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