this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
