If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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