I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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