That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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