When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Drunk is not a location!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
