he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
