I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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