I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
