I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
