There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Randomize