I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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