420 ftw
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
