He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
