dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
