Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Randomize
