Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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