I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
