Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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