Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
