The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
