I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
