Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
