By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
