Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
